• art,  writing

    Silence

    I wish I were a less erratic blogger. I have to set myself reminders on a calendar to keep posting here, which seems a strange thing to do, when so many bloggers seem to have so much more to say. And, with so many things, I think the problem is regular practice. I have no limit of ideas of what to blog about, but somehow when I sit down here and write, I find that my words often feel vapid. Delete, delete. It’s not writing that I have a problem with – it’s the shyness of performing for an audience that I have to work to overcome. As I have grown older, I have grown more private and a blog is, in many ways, the opposite of that. When I first started this blog, I thought I’d do it completely anonymously, to give myself more freedom to write freely without worrying that I might be offending Great Aunt Mildred. (This has happened anyway). But as time went on, people found out and, ironically, most of the people who read it are actually people I know. And I don’t like offending Great Aunt Mildred.

    So I talk on and on about my projects instead, which are too varied to make this any one kind of blog. That’s my problem generally – I am doing so many different types of things that I can never focus in on one thing long enough to master it. Lately I have been in a writer’s fog, working on a (okay, I’ll say it for the first time) novel-length piece of fiction. That’s about all I want to say about it now, because when I talk about my writing projects out loud, I start to think they’re dumb and then I *stop writing*. I’ve also received a table loom on long-term loan from an aunt, so I’ve been teaching myself to weave. I’ve also ordered some patterns for some dresses, so that I can teach myself to sew a bit better and have some dresses that actually fit my narrow, but top-heavy frame. And, I’m working on Pachebel’s Canon in D for the piano, because I take lessons. There’s something about a wedding in there. And on and on.

    In my brain, much of it is related, but I can see how the connections are not immediately obvious. So really, it’s my own bloody fault that I can’t focus. There is just so much to *do* before I die and not nearly enough time to get it all done. This is the real reason I don’t watch much TV (and thus don’t knit and spin as much as I’d *like* to). I’m in a constant panic that I won’t learn all the things that I want to learn before I die.

    I do understand that this makes me weird. Every great once in a while I come across someone with the same sort of incessant internal drama and we have an immediate kinship of spirit. It’s nice. Unfortunately, we don’t get much done, because we’re the scattered interests enter a biofeedback loop and become infinitely more scattered. So I give up and go off and read instead, which is another distraction.

    Come on, focused people with successful blogs – how do you *do* it? How do you fit it into your schedule and make blogging work with your life? Where do you find your motivation?

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