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Silence

I wish I were a less erratic blogger. I have to set myself reminders on a calendar to keep posting here, which seems a strange thing to do, when so many bloggers seem to have so much more to say. And, with so many things, I think the problem is regular practice. I have no limit of ideas of what to blog about, but somehow when I sit down here and write, I find that my words often feel vapid. Delete, delete. It’s not writing that I have a problem with – it’s the shyness of performing for an audience that I have to work to overcome. As I have grown older, I have grown more private and a blog is, in many ways, the opposite of that. When I first started this blog, I thought I’d do it completely anonymously, to give myself more freedom to write freely without worrying that I might be offending Great Aunt Mildred. (This has happened anyway). But as time went on, people found out and, ironically, most of the people who read it are actually people I know. And I don’t like offending Great Aunt Mildred.

So I talk on and on about my projects instead, which are too varied to make this any one kind of blog. That’s my problem generally – I am doing so many different types of things that I can never focus in on one thing long enough to master it. Lately I have been in a writer’s fog, working on a (okay, I’ll say it for the first time) novel-length piece of fiction. That’s about all I want to say about it now, because when I talk about my writing projects out loud, I start to think they’re dumb and then I *stop writing*. I’ve also received a table loom on long-term loan from an aunt, so I’ve been teaching myself to weave. I’ve also ordered some patterns for some dresses, so that I can teach myself to sew a bit better and have some dresses that actually fit my narrow, but top-heavy frame. And, I’m working on Pachebel’s Canon in D for the piano, because I take lessons. There’s something about a wedding in there. And on and on.

In my brain, much of it is related, but I can see how the connections are not immediately obvious. So really, it’s my own bloody fault that I can’t focus. There is just so much to *do* before I die and not nearly enough time to get it all done. This is the real reason I don’t watch much TV (and thus don’t knit and spin as much as I’d *like* to). I’m in a constant panic that I won’t learn all the things that I want to learn before I die.

I do understand that this makes me weird. Every great once in a while I come across someone with the same sort of incessant internal drama and we have an immediate kinship of spirit. It’s nice. Unfortunately, we don’t get much done, because we’re the scattered interests enter a biofeedback loop and become infinitely more scattered. So I give up and go off and read instead, which is another distraction.

Come on, focused people with successful blogs – how do you *do* it? How do you fit it into your schedule and make blogging work with your life? Where do you find your motivation?

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  1. Carol Carol

    I’d like to know the answer to that too! I’ve never even made it off the starting blocks though and despite being able to talk for Ireland and Scotland, I wonder who would really be interested in reading what I have to say. I often think I should put into practice orally what I seem to have successfully achieved with writing….silence! I’m sure many would thank me. Your writing always makes interesting reading so please keep it up.

  2. Charlotte Oliver Charlotte Oliver

    I would read it! And not just ‘cos I know you. 🙂

  3. Deb Deb

    Well, I can’t speak to how to get the blogging done, since I don’t blog. But the rest of the internal drama, well, I get that part. What I end up doing is choosing to focus on the craft/art/activity that best fits my life at that point in my life. I took up knitting, slowing down on the sewing and quilting in the process, when the kids needed me out at activities and I could bring knitting, but not my sewing machine. I took up spinning when I finished my Masters, and got a kick start at SOAR last year. The piano, well, that was a period in my life where I desperately needed a challenge that was not computers or people.

    Now the piano sits untouched, mostly. I still use my sewing skills, just not all the time. I knit pretty much everyday, but haven’t touched the wheel in a couple of weeks. The loom will come, someday. All in it’s time.

    Um, that’s not to say there isn’t a whole lot of distraction from everything else running around in my brain. 🙂

  4. Charlotte Oliver Charlotte Oliver

    Deb! It’s great to hear from you.

    And yes, weaving is just inevitable, I think. I’m having a grand time with my loom, even though my first project is filled with lots and lots of mistakes.

    I find myself already looking forward to the next SOAR…I won’t be making it this year, but that community of fiber artists was just too cool to only do once.

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